The MLB Player: Ugly

Okay, this is one of the ugliest dates that I have ever been on.  I still cannot believe this happened to me.

Have any of you ever seen the show, “Millionaire Matchmaker” on BRAVO (I think it’s on a different network now)? Well, I used to watch this show all of the time.  Why is this relevant? Just wait.

I met this guy, Brendan, on Match.com. We were quickly smitten with each other and he asked me out after about one week of chatting back and forth.  His profile made it very clear that he was a professional athlete and extremely committed to family and spending  time with loved ones.

Brendan sent me a few text messages in the morning, talking about how excited he was and that I need to plan on being out late, because there are three parts to our date.

Okay, so this guy is good looking, an athlete, family-oriented, well-travelled, very intelligent, lives close by and is taking me on a date? Nope… taking me on a THREE PART DATE.  This is where Patti Stanger comes into my imagination and starts telling me how to get ready for the perfect date.

Ummm… Don’t ever assume anything.

If you have seen Millionaire Matchmaker, you have seen the three part dates.  They usually start off by a limo picking up the young woman, taking her to the closest helipad and whisking her off to a beautiful winery for dinner.  Next, they charter a small jet to Vegas for a performance from her favorite band, and then to his favorite restaurant for dessert, (where of course, he rented the place out and the chef is cooking for you two only).

So, there I was, waiting in my wedge-heels, perfectly curled hair, shiny lipgloss, nails done and ready to go.

To start the date, Brendan showed up about 30 minutes late.  That’s okay, I let that pass- I knew we were going to have a great time.

An ancient Ford pickup pulled up to our meeting spot and I continued to wait for my ride… wait… some guy got out of the truck and says, “Willow?”

“Brendan?”

Brendan.  The baseball player was dressed in like lightest wash of Levi jeans, a pair of worker boots and a good ol’ NIKE t-shirt from the nineties.

I stood there, looking down at myself and my obviously bad decision of an outfit.

“Should I change?” I asked.

“No, why? Should I change?”

I wanted to hope he was kidding, but I knew he wasn’t.  He was comfortable and that’s what mattered most, right?

I get into the truck and buckle up. Brendan was driving me to part one of our date.  Some (most) of my excitement for this date just paused at this moment.  I didn’t have any idea what I had got myself into.  I don’t mean that I deserved a perfectly dressed gentleman or that I was too good for Brendan in any way.  What I mean, is that I had the wrong impression; I dressed inappropriately for anything we were about to do.

While I was being driven to “Part 1” of the date, there was a moment that I was leaning against the door, resting my head in my hand when all of a sudden I hear cars screeching and crashing behind us on the freeway.  I looked into the mirror and we were just one car away from a huge pile-up. Brendan was swerving as this all happened and I slowly came to wonder if his swerving was the cause of the whole thing. Such an incredibly scary moment… this was the second sign that this date was not going to go well.

Thirty minutes later, we were approaching Tukwila, WA.  What were we doing in Tukwila? Oh my gosh… is he taking me to the indoor skydiving place?  He’s got to be taking me to the indoor skydiving place. But wait! I am wearing wedges, I have no socks on, I’m not wearing flexible pants… (now I’m really getting into my head).

“Brendan, are we going to the indoor skydiving place? It’s okay if you tell me, I just need you to know, I don’t think I am dressed properly for that.”

“Hahaha, no. We aren’t going there.”

Okay, good. I felt better after that, but still, where are we going?

We pull into the mall and he asks, “What do you wanna eat?”

What do I want to eat? Didn’t he have everything planned? Doesn’t he have a reservation somewhere already?

“Oh, anywhere is okay… I don’t mind, really.”

Part 1

Brendan pulled into Buffalo Wild Wings and said that he was just there the day before with his dad and brother.

Buffalo Wild Wings, eh? Okay… Maybe we were just killing time? He didn’t plan this part, because part two took up his time.

Remember, don’t assume anything.

I waited at the table by myself for about 20 minutes, while Brenden went to the restroom. While I pretended to study the menu, a woman brought an iced water to me and said, “Is this your first time at Buffalo Wild Wings?”

“Yes, actually. It is. Do you like the food here?”

“Yeah, it’s good… I mean, it’s not the type of place to have a first date or anything fancy, but the wings are good!”

HA! Not the type of place for a first date, eh? Good call, miss.  Good call.

I ordered something that wasn’t going to be messy, while Brendan ordered many, many wings.

Part 2

It was time for the second part of the date and I was feeling half nervous and half just ready to go home.  Was this the part of the date that he’d spent so much time planning?  I quickly got excited, thinking part 2 was going to be the best part.

We pulled up to a run-down business office on the side of an odd warehouse.  He got out of the car and walked straight to the line formed outside of the office.  I got out and followed him.  The people in line for whatever was inside, were very obviously 16 year olds…

There was a group of about 10 people in front of us.  The majority of the group was asian, which completely doesn’t matter, except it makes what happened next so much worse.

Brendan looked at the long line, then looked at me and shouted, “GOD, who invited China!?”

OH. MY. GOSH.

How inconsiderate, rude, immature and unkind could you be?

I hit his chest so hard with embarrassment and told everyone there that I was so sorry, then I walked to the car.

“You don’t want to see Bloody Mary?”

That’s what this is? A viewing of Bloody Mary?

“No.  I think it’s time for you to take me home.”

Part 3

There is no part three… there never was.  He was flying from the seat of his pale LEVIs the whole time, lying about ever having planned anything.

As he drove me home, there was a moment that he cleared his throat, turned to his window, and spit.  I didn’t mention that he had been spitting his chew all night, at the restaurant, in the car, at the creepy warehouse…

HIS WINDOW WAS ROLLED UP!  He spit chew and snot all over the window then turned to look at me and says, “Do you have a tissue?”

 

No.  No Brendan, I do not have a tissue!!!!  How disgusting! He proceeded to wipe his window off with his white sleeves.  I had never wanted to be home so badly.

When we arrived at my stop, he quickly unbuckled and I almost shouted, “No, no! I’m fine!”

“But, I wanna give you a hug.”

“Oh, here, thanks!” I leaned over and gave him a quick side-hug and raced out my door.

 

Sometimes we get into our own heads and assume things just because of a person’s title.  Just because this guy may have a cool job or have a lot of money, doesn’t mean that he is going to have manners, or even a kind heart.  The trick is, there is no trick other than being yourself, 100% of the time.

NEXT!

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