“Why are you still single?”

People always ask, “Why are you still single?” as if it is my personal choice to be single and unattached at 28.  Do you really think that I want to show up alone at my ten-year high school reunion?  Yeah, I’m really looking forward to everyone else telling me about their fairytale weddings and plans for healthy babies.  Ha!

The answer I usually give, is this:

I am extremely independent and work all of the time.  The men that I meet through work are either single and new-money, (immature) or they are so well-mannered, gentlemanly and MARRIED.  The only men I meet through work, are definitely not my “type.”  I do not have a lot of time outside of work to meet anyone.

How many of you use work as your excuse to not date?  To be honest, this cannot be further from the truth!  There are so many different ways to meet people.  There is no way, no matter how busy we are, that we cannot find our fairytale ending, let alone a date for Friday night.

Is it hard to date?  Yes.  Is it impossible?  No.

The truth for me?  I am picky.  Do I have a checklist that I bring to every date?  NO! Personally, it’s hard to meet someone that not only has good hygiene, but also has a great relationship with Jesus.  Don’t be afraid of having a “list.”  One thing that I always stress, is that God wants to hear your desires.  It is not silly to desire a husband that is six-feet-tall, loves dogs and is good with children.  Whatever your “list” consists of, give it to God.  Pray!

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:  He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.  

Psalm 37:5-7

I will be using this blog to share my journey of dating and all that goes along with it.  Read and enjoy the good, bad, ugly, funny and sometimes scary dates that I go on.  Lastly, please share your own stories with me!  I want to hear about your dates, make-or-break checklists and your personal horror stories, as I will be sharing mine.  Enjoy!

Tell me, why are you still single?

Pick Me Up: Good

I have spent a good chunk of my time reading through messages, and what never gets old is the good ol’ pick-up line.  Sometimes the pick-up lines that men use make me laugh, but most times, they just make my eyes roll.  Then, I read the occasional line that seriously makes me cringe!

Enjoy these REAL pick-up lines that I have received while dating online:

  • “Is your name Ariel, cuz we mermaid for each other.”
  • “Hey there, I noticed you also like to cook. Where do you like to grab groceries?”
  • “I think we owe it to ourselves to grab a coffee. Plus I can totally teach you how to scuba dive.”
  • “4 out of 5 doctors say that replying to messages on your online dating accounts actually improves your mood, helps you relax, and gives you complete invincibility for 24 hours. Hope to hear from you soon. ;-)”
  • “Hi.  I don’t think we’re made for each other. But, I would like to ask you for a favor.  Can you send me your clothes?  Not like what you’re wearing right now, but can you send me one of your full outfits, including your underwear and bra? It’s for an experiment I am doing and I want to put them on.  Thank you for reading this.”
  • “What you been Drinking? SNAPPLE??????? Cause it looks like you are made from the Best Stuff on Earth!”
  • “Here I am, what are your other 2 wishes?”
  • “Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with your name, phone number, your favorite flower, and how many Cheetos you can fit in your mouth.”

 

NEXT!

The Second Time Around: Good

While I was swiping through my Bumble matches, I saw a familiar face.  It was my ex-boyfriend from college… John Jr. I haven’t seen him in about seven years and I knew he was married.  Or, at least he was.  Swipe right…

I soon received a message from John Jr. At first it was all small talk, asking about each other’s family, our jobs, and life in general. Messaging on Bumble turned into texting, and soon enough John Jr. asked me out to dinner.

“It’s not a date! I promise, it’s just a chance for me to tell you I am sorry.”

He’s sorry?

A lot happened during the end of our college relationship.  We were so young and made many mistakes, and one in particular turned into a pretty big snowball.  Unfortunately, I felt like I was carrying that mega snowball all alone.  It looked like John Jr. realized that and wanted to apologize for it.  By this time, I was over the past, but it felt really good to get the acknowledgement from him.   It felt really good.

Now, a little bit about John Jr.  He is very well built, extremely smart, funny, a closet-nerd for sure and has the greatest smile when he laughs.  We met in an English Literature class, where we crushed on each other since the first day of the quarter.  Unfortunately, we were both too shy to talk to the other.  Once we finally started talking, we had so much fun together.  I was really excited to see him for dinner (and yes, he was divorced now).

John Jr. was a gentleman from the (second)start.  He let me pick the restaurant, he picked me up at my house and opened every single door.  He was polite back in college, but this time felt different.

At The Melting Pot, we started talking about the past.  He summarized everything that we went through during that time, and made the biggest and most heart-felt apology I think I have ever heard.  I was truly touched and we both teared up during one point of our conversation.

After dinner, we were walking back to his car.  As we turned the corner to the parking garage, I was looking at him and he grabbed my hand to pull me toward him.  There was a car coming out and I hadn’t seen it! He was protecting me.  All of a sudden, the car exited and I noticed he was still holding me, holding my hand, and we continued to walk…

“That was smooth!” Haha, I said to him.

John Jr. laughed so hard, and kept repeating what came out of my mouth, “That was smooth!”

We walked to the car, hand in hand, and he opened my door.  With the biggest smile on both of our faces, we headed home.

When we got to my house, we talked a little and then he got out to come open my door.  Saying goodbye was hard.  The night really proved how different we both are now, from when we were in college.  We embraced in a long hug, and when I was ready to go, I turned to walk to my house… he then pulled me back in and kissed me.  It felt like our first kiss all over again, butterflies and all.

We continued to “hang out” and go to dinners that we didn’t call “dates.” For what reason, I don’t know why.  I spent Super Bowl day with him and his parents, which wasn’t awkward at all.  I had always gotten along with them so well.

Our last day together was on Valentine’s Day.  We had a lot of fun together, always, but this time felt a little different.  It was Valentine’s Day.  I think we both realized that we love each other and enjoy having one another in each of our lives, but we have changed. Day by day it seemed we were learning a lot of new things about each other.  It was easy to realize maybe all of this growing that we’ve done over the past seven years has turned us into people that aren’t meant to be together romantically.  We will always have a special connection.  But, John Jr., you’re just not my forever.

NEXT!

The Dark Fish: Bad

I started talking to this guy, Jeremy, on Bumble.  We had a lot of common interests and found ourselves exchanging messages quite a bit after a week or two of talking online.  He had a great smile, pearly bright whites, which is always attractive.

After a few weeks of talking online and on the phone, he finally asked me out to dinner.

Everything had been great, our conversations had depth, he could make me laugh so easily, and to top it all off, he was smart.  He was so incredibly smart, that sometimes I would find myself lost and unable to follow along with some of his rants.

When I was getting ready to go, Jeremy texted me, “Don’t wear heels.”  At the time, I had no idea why he was saying that to me.  But, I followed his instruction and put on my favorite pair of ZigiSoho studded flats.

We met at Big Fish, or some other seafood place at the Landing.

As soon as I saw him, I realized why he told me not to wear heels.  He was short… he was small and short.  He was so small, my own head could have fit three of his own.  I normally don’t have a problem with a guy being close to my height, or smaller in general, but Jeremy was legitimately 1/4 the size I was.  I felt so  awkward feeling like this man would not even be able to pick me up.  Have you ever felt like that?  I just feel that my partner should be big enough, strong enough to pick me up.

Anyways, let’s get to the date…

We sat down in a booth and the server recited the day’s special, halibut.

Now, for all of you that don’t know about fish, halibut is a light fish, unlike salmon.

We took about 10 minutes, just chatting and looking over our menus.  Jeremy asked me if I was going to get the special and out from my mouth came the worst thing I could have said:

“I like all fish, I like light fish, but I really do prefer a dark fish.”

I had said this while looking down at my menu, and then looked up at him right as I said, “dark fish.”

We locked eyes and both started cracking up, laughing.  Jeremy was half asian, half black, (he kept calling himself “blasian”).

After I embarrassed myself by saying I prefer dark fish, my statement was the topic of conversation many times that night.  We had fun with dinner.  However, I still felt weird being so much bigger than him.

After dinner, we headed back to the parking lot.  Jeremy asked if I still wanted to talk and we sat in his car singing to our favorite nineties r&b songs and playing some fish jumping app on our phones… yeah, real exciting.  We sat there for about two hours, just talking and listening to music. Suddenly, he asked me if I would sit on his lap, on his side of the car.

“I’m sorry, but no.”  Why would I go sit on his lap, IN A CAR, on our first date? All we had been doing was talking; I wasn’t feeling it.  Ha, no pun intended…

You know, sometimes people move quickly.  Sometimes people throw away their bodies and their morals.  But, I am not looking for a one-night-stand; I am looking for forever.  Whoever that ends up being with, it will be with a respectful gentleman who isn’t just looking for sex.

I say this to you every time, but I really mean it: be yourself.  Don’t ever sacrifice your dreams and morals for something that won’t last another day.  You are worth so more!

To end this date, I simply told him it was time for me to go.  I wasn’t afraid to voice my opinion to him, because I did feel safe.  Unfortunately, girls sometimes feel scared to voice their opinion to a new guy because they seem stronger than us, which tells us they can  be controlling if need be.  But, Jeremy never made me feel like my safety was at risk and I appreciate that.  However, it just wasn’t meant to be… and that is okay.

NEXT!

The MLB Player: Ugly

Okay, this is one of the ugliest dates that I have ever been on.  I still cannot believe this happened to me.

Have any of you ever seen the show, “Millionaire Matchmaker” on BRAVO (I think it’s on a different network now)? Well, I used to watch this show all of the time.  Why is this relevant? Just wait.

I met this guy, Brendan, on Match.com. We were quickly smitten with each other and he asked me out after about one week of chatting back and forth.  His profile made it very clear that he was a professional athlete and extremely committed to family and spending  time with loved ones.

Brendan sent me a few text messages in the morning, talking about how excited he was and that I need to plan on being out late, because there are three parts to our date.

Okay, so this guy is good looking, an athlete, family-oriented, well-travelled, very intelligent, lives close by and is taking me on a date? Nope… taking me on a THREE PART DATE.  This is where Patti Stanger comes into my imagination and starts telling me how to get ready for the perfect date.

Ummm… Don’t ever assume anything.

If you have seen Millionaire Matchmaker, you have seen the three part dates.  They usually start off by a limo picking up the young woman, taking her to the closest helipad and whisking her off to a beautiful winery for dinner.  Next, they charter a small jet to Vegas for a performance from her favorite band, and then to his favorite restaurant for dessert, (where of course, he rented the place out and the chef is cooking for you two only).

So, there I was, waiting in my wedge-heels, perfectly curled hair, shiny lipgloss, nails done and ready to go.

To start the date, Brendan showed up about 30 minutes late.  That’s okay, I let that pass- I knew we were going to have a great time.

An ancient Ford pickup pulled up to our meeting spot and I continued to wait for my ride… wait… some guy got out of the truck and says, “Willow?”

“Brendan?”

Brendan.  The baseball player was dressed in like lightest wash of Levi jeans, a pair of worker boots and a good ol’ NIKE t-shirt from the nineties.

I stood there, looking down at myself and my obviously bad decision of an outfit.

“Should I change?” I asked.

“No, why? Should I change?”

I wanted to hope he was kidding, but I knew he wasn’t.  He was comfortable and that’s what mattered most, right?

I get into the truck and buckle up. Brendan was driving me to part one of our date.  Some (most) of my excitement for this date just paused at this moment.  I didn’t have any idea what I had got myself into.  I don’t mean that I deserved a perfectly dressed gentleman or that I was too good for Brendan in any way.  What I mean, is that I had the wrong impression; I dressed inappropriately for anything we were about to do.

While I was being driven to “Part 1” of the date, there was a moment that I was leaning against the door, resting my head in my hand when all of a sudden I hear cars screeching and crashing behind us on the freeway.  I looked into the mirror and we were just one car away from a huge pile-up. Brendan was swerving as this all happened and I slowly came to wonder if his swerving was the cause of the whole thing. Such an incredibly scary moment… this was the second sign that this date was not going to go well.

Thirty minutes later, we were approaching Tukwila, WA.  What were we doing in Tukwila? Oh my gosh… is he taking me to the indoor skydiving place?  He’s got to be taking me to the indoor skydiving place. But wait! I am wearing wedges, I have no socks on, I’m not wearing flexible pants… (now I’m really getting into my head).

“Brendan, are we going to the indoor skydiving place? It’s okay if you tell me, I just need you to know, I don’t think I am dressed properly for that.”

“Hahaha, no. We aren’t going there.”

Okay, good. I felt better after that, but still, where are we going?

We pull into the mall and he asks, “What do you wanna eat?”

What do I want to eat? Didn’t he have everything planned? Doesn’t he have a reservation somewhere already?

“Oh, anywhere is okay… I don’t mind, really.”

Part 1

Brendan pulled into Buffalo Wild Wings and said that he was just there the day before with his dad and brother.

Buffalo Wild Wings, eh? Okay… Maybe we were just killing time? He didn’t plan this part, because part two took up his time.

Remember, don’t assume anything.

I waited at the table by myself for about 20 minutes, while Brenden went to the restroom. While I pretended to study the menu, a woman brought an iced water to me and said, “Is this your first time at Buffalo Wild Wings?”

“Yes, actually. It is. Do you like the food here?”

“Yeah, it’s good… I mean, it’s not the type of place to have a first date or anything fancy, but the wings are good!”

HA! Not the type of place for a first date, eh? Good call, miss.  Good call.

I ordered something that wasn’t going to be messy, while Brendan ordered many, many wings.

Part 2

It was time for the second part of the date and I was feeling half nervous and half just ready to go home.  Was this the part of the date that he’d spent so much time planning?  I quickly got excited, thinking part 2 was going to be the best part.

We pulled up to a run-down business office on the side of an odd warehouse.  He got out of the car and walked straight to the line formed outside of the office.  I got out and followed him.  The people in line for whatever was inside, were very obviously 16 year olds…

There was a group of about 10 people in front of us.  The majority of the group was asian, which completely doesn’t matter, except it makes what happened next so much worse.

Brendan looked at the long line, then looked at me and shouted, “GOD, who invited China!?”

OH. MY. GOSH.

How inconsiderate, rude, immature and unkind could you be?

I hit his chest so hard with embarrassment and told everyone there that I was so sorry, then I walked to the car.

“You don’t want to see Bloody Mary?”

That’s what this is? A viewing of Bloody Mary?

“No.  I think it’s time for you to take me home.”

Part 3

There is no part three… there never was.  He was flying from the seat of his pale LEVIs the whole time, lying about ever having planned anything.

As he drove me home, there was a moment that he cleared his throat, turned to his window, and spit.  I didn’t mention that he had been spitting his chew all night, at the restaurant, in the car, at the creepy warehouse…

HIS WINDOW WAS ROLLED UP!  He spit chew and snot all over the window then turned to look at me and says, “Do you have a tissue?”

 

No.  No Brendan, I do not have a tissue!!!!  How disgusting! He proceeded to wipe his window off with his white sleeves.  I had never wanted to be home so badly.

When we arrived at my stop, he quickly unbuckled and I almost shouted, “No, no! I’m fine!”

“But, I wanna give you a hug.”

“Oh, here, thanks!” I leaned over and gave him a quick side-hug and raced out my door.

 

Sometimes we get into our own heads and assume things just because of a person’s title.  Just because this guy may have a cool job or have a lot of money, doesn’t mean that he is going to have manners, or even a kind heart.  The trick is, there is no trick other than being yourself, 100% of the time.

NEXT!

The First Date: Bad

After hearing a couple success stories and of course still sitting single, I finally downloaded an online-dating app.  I quickly got through the questionnaire and uploaded some of my favorite pics.  A couple days went by and I was caught off guard by this handsome man, named Aaron.  I remember reading his profile.  He was well read, a frequent traveller and had a great job in the Seattle area. His pictures were breathtaking.  Seriously, he was that good looking.

About a week later, I found myself lying to him through text messages as I rushed to the Kirkland waterfront for my first online-found date.

“I am coming straight from work, so please don’t judge my wardrobe!”  Why the heck did I lie? The truth was that I couldn’t find anything to wear!  I stopped at my house before leaving for the date.  I put on a pair of nice Page jeans and my favorite, sleek, black blazer.  Running late, I texted Aaron that stupid lie.  Was I trying to look like I had a cooler job than I really did? Where I wore jeans and a formal blazer? Probably.

The restaurant was very new, almost like a little wine bar.  I walked in and immediately saw Aaron (the perfect Ken doll, if I’ve ever seen one) smile and stand up from a spot at the bar.  There was no time to pretend I didn’t see him and just act cool; he was staring straight at me.

“Can I get you something to drink?” the bartender asked.  I looked over at Aaron, who was holding a beer of some sort.

“I’ll have what he’s having! Add a lime, please.”

What in the world was I doing? First of all, I don’t normally drink alcohol.  Secondly, I had no idea what I was talking about, but I knew I would sound cool if I said, “add a lime.” HA!

The bartender looked at Aaron, and Aaron back at him, then said:

“Huh. I’ve never tried that. Are you sure?”

“Yep!” Oh, Lord. I’m obviously new at this.  I guess lime doesn’t go with just any beer?

 

What followed was nothing but awkward conversation, me eating a chicken caesar salad and him gazing off at the older couple beside us. I can’t bore you with our convo topics, because I don’t even remember them.  I just drank my disgusting beer, tried to hold in any burps that tried to surface, and smiled my way through.  Oh, and I paid my own bill and he paid his.  I’m all for splitting a bill on the first date, but he literally gave his card to the bartender and said, “I’m paying for mine only.” Just a little turnoff.

The Ken doll was such a boring date.  He didn’t make me laugh, he barely made me smile.  Remember one thing: BE YOURSELF. Don’t order beer if you don’t drink beer; don’t try to be cooler than you already are. Just because someone has the looks, doesn’t at all mean that they are right for you.  It takes way more than looks to have a connection with someone.  This was my first online-found date.  I automatically saw how hot he was, but didn’t pay attention to how different we were.  From our beliefs and morals, to our job and hobby interests, we were not meant to be.

 

NEXT!

 

 

Online-Dating 101

Let’s get something clear.  The year is 2017 and there is no shame in dating online.  Your parents, and sometimes your friends, will  judge you on not finding someone in your everyday life… but don’t be embarrassed when telling people you’re trying it.  You never know what can happen.  However, always make sure you are being careful!  Before I start taking you on my dates, I feel that it is important to share my dating etiquette.

  1. Never use your real name in your username or profile.  Instead, use something that includes your favorite hobby, sports team or character from your favorite movie.  For instance, if you’re a Batman fan, use the username, “Selena Kyle” or something of that sort.  Believe me, this is the first way you can find someone with similar interests.  Only a true fan would know that Selena Kyle is Cat Woman’s real name.
  2. Never give a guy your phone number until at least one week of talking to each other online.  This will tell you how serious he is, and proves if he thinks you are worth waiting for or not… and YOU ARE! One trick I like to use when they first ask for the phone number, just suggest texting through an app like Snapchat. This kills two birds with one stone, because you can see if he’s willing to send you snaps, too.  Be a little wary if he doesn’t want to. Is he really who he says he is?
  3. Do not give out your address!  For me, this is a 3-5 date rule.  I cannot stress this more!  I don’t care if your week-long conversations consist of how he’s a preacher’s son and has never gotten a speeding ticket or a tattoo.  I don’t care if he is a police officer and tells you a million times, how much you can trust him.  Do NOT give out your address!  I am not saying that you have to consider the worst that can happen, but let me do it for you.  If he offers to pick you up, just say, “Oh, I will be coming from work, so where can I meet you?”   After three or five dates with him and you’re feeling more comfortable, let him pick you up.  If you aren’t 100% comfortable yet, by all means, wait!
  4. Wear something comfortable.  The last thing you want, is to be fixing your shirt all night, sucking your tummy in, because you just HAD to wear your favorite (tight) denim jeans.  This totally includes your shoes! Don’t wear those fancy heels that give you blisters. Just wear your favorite wedges or cute flats and you’ll be comfortable all night.
  5. Please, please makes sure you know the dress code for the night. One time, I dressed to the nines and my date had planned for us to go indoor skydiving and to a haunted house… in this case, trade in the wedges for a cute pair of Converse.
  6. Be yourself.  Don’t lie.  Let’s not waste time, not yours or his. This includes your online profile.  Don’t ever be ashamed of what you do or do not do.  In the end, you want to find someone who likes you for you.
  7. Trust your gut. If you’re ever feeling like you’re match is too good to be true, or smells a little fishy, pull a move from Nev and Max and put his photo through a reverse image search.
  8. Remember to have fun. Don’t expect too much or too little, too soon.  You are worth so much.
  9. Don’t forget your make-or-break checklists when adjusting your “match filters.” If you know you cannot make it work with someone that has a different religion or some type of yucky habit in the long run, make it clear from the start so that you’re not tempted from the start.